Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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