What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
