they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
