You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
where are you?
Hypothermia
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
