im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I checked into jail on foursquare
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize