Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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