if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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