I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
