I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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