Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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