Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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