It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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