so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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