Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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