Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
