Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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