What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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