He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
