So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize