I smell stomach acid.
he thought i was a dude.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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