Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
