These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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