My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
