did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
