Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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