she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
