I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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