i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
