She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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