I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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