The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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