My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
