I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
