Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
