the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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