Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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