I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
