You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
