I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
