Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
