i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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