Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize