ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My vagina is officially offended.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I did not marry a roomba.
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