Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
