So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
