i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
