bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize