Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
