She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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