tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
