Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
