Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
COCAINE IS GR8
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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