Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Too much gin, very little bucket
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk is not a location!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize