i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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