I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
