My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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