Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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