I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
