i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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