you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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