tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
