some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
