i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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