i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
