I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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